Waiting for the other shoe to drop

This is how I lived emotionally for most of my teens into my thirties and forties…

Waiting for the “other shoe to drop.”

My beliefs and identity—shaped through childhood traumas—were stuck in a space that held little self-worth, confidence, or feeling good enough (to give and receive love). 

For so many years, I operated under this template that I wasn't worthy of good things because I wasn’t good enough, lovable enough—I simply wasn’t enough. 

In this mindset, I adopted "Cherophobia"—a psychology term derived from the Greek work “chairo,” which means “rejoice.” It is a term used to describe the fear of happiness and joy. Yes, we can fear good, joy, and happiness.

My past Self thought that if I experienced something positive or good, something bad must follow because there's no way I was deserving of experiencing continued positive experiences. It also manifested in the way I spoke about myself—this included a lot of negative self-talk.

I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

And this belief controlled how I behaved, which was supporting the negative experiences, therefore fueling this negative feedback loop. 

And so...the shoe would drop. 

My nervous system was spending more time in the fight or flight mode—preparing me to react and adapt to negative outcomes.

Through my learning journey, I realized that it's not the universe with a warehouse of shoes sinisterly waiting to drop one shoe after the other onto me.

It's ME creating that reality.

The “evil shoe” was a story I told myself because I was afraid—afraid of feeling the emotional hurt. And so, I adapted a strategy (i.e. programming a HABIT!) to protect myself. This space felt safe and familiar—even though it was preventing me from positive experiences. But this safe space of negative self-talk held me back from joy, peace, and possibilities.

Part of the letting go of my old beliefs was to show gratitude to the younger version of myself who was doing her best to survive and grow in the environment she was in. That version of myself simply wasn’t aware of the connection between my emotions, behaviours, and my nervous system. 

Why is this important? Because it’s critical to our health and wellness.

“…A large and irrefutable body of research has clearly shown that physiological and behavioural functioning of human beings can be understood only if we integrate our body functions with those of the mind.” Gabor Maté, MD (The Myth of Normal, Alfred A. Knopf, 2022).

The way we think and behave is intrinsically linked to the way our bodies function and visa versa. It’s an ecosystem of biological, chemical, and neurological processes working in concert to keep us alive and thriving.

When we function is a state of chronic stress, our bodies cannot heal, cannot thrive, and we experience adverse health outcomes.

And so, equally true, when we minimize our stress, we can heal, thrive, and experience positive health outcomes.

As I continue to grow, learn, evolve with much more self-awareness, I realize I was never actually stuck. It was my perception that I was. With the awareness, I now see how re-programming my beliefs and thoughts help me let go of the ones that are no longer supporting me and replace them with ones that are: Activating my parasympathetic nervous system with new healthy thoughts and beliefs.

This is what allows us to experience the life we want, reach goals, feel healthy, feel peace, and feel joy.

Once I became aware that thoughts are not fixed—in fact, they constantly change—and that these thoughts are only transient and dissolvable, I started gaining confidence that I could change. 

This is where positive mindset work, gratitude practices, and reframing are CRITICAL to our growth and progress. 

We can want to change, we can want to be/look/feel different, but unless we discover, be curious, and take time to understand our beliefs about ourselves and the stories and narratives we have on repeat, we will not experience the joy and fulfillment that we ALL yearn for. 

We all want to feel joy, peace, fulfillment, abundance, and happiness. 

We are all absolutely deserving of all of these. In fact, we make the world a better place when we show up as our authentic and best selves. 

We are worth investing in growth, evolution, and living our best life. 

It’s a journey, not a destination. A cliché I know, but if you understand that mindset work and goal setting are about evolution and adaptability, then we are open to shifting and changing so that we are always moving in alignment with what is best in support of our best selves and our best health.

Yes, I still need to remind myself that the shoe is just a shoe and it's only a thought. It’s a journey after all.

My reframe and positive reinforcement comes in my new self-talk:

 “I am living a life where only good things happen to me because this makes everyone's life better. I am worthy of joy, love, and living my best life. My mission: To live, experience, and spread love and joy.”

Functioning in this new mindset helps me regulate my nervous system and my health. It allows me to stay focused and have clarity on my goals, what’s important to me, to stay aligned with what I want to be experiencing in life. This allows me to have that agency—empowerment and control over my own life.

It allows me to trust that the universe only wants good things for me. I believe in limitless, positive possibilities.

And those shoes—they’re just the ones placed firmly on my feet!