An “aha” moment!

 “I don’t believe in partnerships that become a full-time renovation of another human being.”

(Dené Logan, @denelogan)

Logan’s post was geared to relationship coaching and in context of healthy relationship goals, but it triggered an AHA for me!

We spend a lot of time believing that if only our EXTERNAL environment changes somehow—this includes our relationships with others—then we will be “happy.”  

“A full-time renovation of another human being…”

In other words, putting all our energy into telling/expecting/hoping for—renovating—someone to change so that we can finally be happy.

When we wait for the external variables to change, we stay stuck. This is the victim mindset. We rob ourselves of AGENCY over our own lives—giving it up to the external world.  

When we live in a victim mindset, we are not open to change.

We send a feedback loop of high stress (sympathetic nervous system = cortisol production) that inhibits positive decision-making abilities. Our bodies are working to keep us “safe” from the perceived threat, instead of investing our energy into keeping our system running smoothly. There is that physiological-psychological unity—the ecosystem that is integrative and enmeshed.   

Under the stress response, we go into protective mode. We fear, we build anxiety, we sit in waiting. This puts us into a state of dysregulation when it’s happening too often and not for good reason. Our bodies start showing the symptoms of chronic stress in many ways—emotionally, physically, and spiritually (meaning, our vitality and growth).

Being in a victim mindset is actually a habit; a way of talking to ourselves in a specific, predicable, comfortable narrative. It often sounds like negative self-talk and can preclude our ability to see something from a new perspective.

“Where attention goes, energy flows.” Our habits lead to results—supportive and non-supportive ones.

Remember: We humans are malleable. We are not stuck in a limited world. We just sometimes think we are.

My goal as a Health and Wellness Coach is to support, inspire, and empower you to believe that you can live your best life and give back that agency that has been sitting quietly waiting to be reignited.

Coaching is a way to support you in re-discovering your inner power; your ability to find that “Self” and give you permission to be the best—limitless—version of yourself.

It’s that little nudge to relax the nervous system and allow you to think and behave with clarity. To live with intention and mindfulness. To reframe negative to positive.

This often feels like peace, joy, calm, strength/courage, and freedom.

The “aha” for me was in seeing something from a new perspective—further awareness around how mindset work transforms our lives. When we look at something from a new perspective, it can change our trajectory in ways we didn’t know was possible.

And this all comes down to CHANGE.

Change in the way we talk to ourselves.

The first step in change is to bring AWARENESS to the Self and what authentic fulfillment looks/feels like; to give ourselves permission to be deserving of joy.

Awareness helps us identify the HABITS that are no longer serving us in the way we’d like. (In awareness we connect the external signals with our internal changes: mind-body unity).

Habits start with, and are maintained by, (an) EMOTIONAL trigger(s).

Emotions are connected to our IDENTITY.

Identity is rooted in BELIEFS.

To change, we need to become aware of the beliefs that are governing our systems.

Change is absolutely, irrefutably possible.

It starts with an AHA…and some courage to keep being curious about your new awareness!